I wanted a script to show a random quote from in every new terminal session. PHP is my language of choice. :) Save as “bashquote” and chmod 755 (rwxr-xr-x) to use (make sure the regexp looks exactly as below in preg_match_all()). The script only works in a Unix/Linux environment.


// Use http_proxy environment variable
stream_context_get_default(array('http' => array(
	'proxy' => str_replace("http://", "tcp://", getenv('http_proxy')),
	'request_fulluri' => true

// Quote cache location
$quotefile = getenv('HOME')."/.bashqdb";

// Only one instance accessing the cache at a time
$fp = fopen("/tmp/bashqdblock.".getenv('USER'),"wb");
if (!flock($fp, LOCK_EX))
	die("Couldn't obtain quote file lock!");

// Read cache

// If empty (or non-existing), fetch batch of quotes
if (!$quotes)
	$quotes = fetchQuotes();

// Select the first quote for display and remove it from array
$quote = $quotes[0];

// Massage the text for display
$quote = html_entity_decode($quote);
$quote = str_replace("<br />","\n",$quote);

// Output
echo $quote."\n";

// If that was our last, fetch a new batch
if (count($quotes) == 0)
	$quotes = fetchQuotes();

// Write the cache back
file_put_contents($quotefile, implode("\n", $quotes));

// Function for fetching a batch of suitable quotes, returns an array
function fetchQuotes() {
	$matches = array();
	$source = file_get_contents("");
	preg_match_all("/<p class=\"qt\">(.+?)<\/p>/si", $source, $matches);
	$quotes = array();
	foreach ($matches[1] as $match) {
		$quotes[] = str_replace("\n","",$match);
	return $quotes;
Leave a comment


  1. Why did you write it in php?
    Not sure this qualifies as a bash script as long as the whole thing is put in a .

    You can easily just rename the file and run in on a webpage.

    Should try doing it in actual bash, and not use another language hidden in a .sh script.

  2. omg. nevermind.
    lol : D

  3. Juaco

     /  26. March, 2010

    Here you have one in bash, stop complaining!



    if [ "$1" == "gimmemore" ]; then
    ping -c 1 &> /dev/null
    [ $? == "0" ] && elinks -dump$funny | sed -n ‘/^.*ModApp.*_____$/,/^.*Home.*Latest.*$/{/^.*ModApp.*_____$/d;p;}’>$quotefile
    exit 0

    quote=$[$RANDOM%$[$(sed -n '/^.*]#.*$/p’ “$quotefile” | wc -l)-2]+1]
    quote=$(bash -c “cat -n “$quotefile” | sed -n ‘/^.*]#.*$/p’ | sed -n “${quote}p” | sed ‘s/^ *([0-9]+).*$/1/g’”)
    sed -n “$quote,/^.*]#.*$/{$quoted;/^.*]#.*$/d;p}” $quotefile

  4. Haha, that’s awesome! :)

  5. Or even;
    curl “″ 2>/dev/null | ack -1o ‘(.*)’ –output=’$1′ | sed “s/>/>/g” | sed “s/</</g"

    requires curl ( and ack ( — two excellent commandline tools :)

  6. Umm. The two last sed’s should be & gt ; and & lt ; (w/o spaces – got escaped).

  7. Or even;
    curl “″ 2>/dev/null | ack -1o ‘<p class=”qt”>(.*)</p>’ –output=’$1′ | sed “s/& gt ;/>/g” | sed “s/& lt ;/</g"

    requires curl ( and ack ( — two excellent commandline tools :)

  8. No, thanks, I prefer my programs readable and maintable. :p I’m sure you could do it in Brainfuck too if you wanted to. ;)

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